Flarf Poetry by Zack Ford

“The Truth of Stories”

Pt. 1: Liar Liar Your Shell is on Fire

My friend tortoise
You didn’t win the race
You’re slow
And a liar
You try to be the one symbolizing morals
But all you symbolize is a lack of truth
And a sense of exaggeration
That rabbit kicked your ass
We all know the truth
Be ashamed

Pt. 2: Cheater with a Beard

You think you’re all witty
But you’re also a liar
Your name isn’t Rumpelstiltskin
You imagined that name to screw with people’s minds
I saw your birth certificate
Your name is David
Dammit David

Pt. 3: Rabbit Holes and Blue Pipe Smoking Caterpillars

Hey Alice
You’re only a child
So get off the acid
It’s unsafe

“Creative Letdown”

Man, I’m so upset I didn’t invent the Muppets
I wake up every morning with such a deep furnace of anger that I didn’t create Cookie Monster
I could have invented Kermit
He’s only a frog made of a sock
I can do a Muppet-like voice
I mean my Muppet voice sounds like a steroid-raging Grover
But the kids could have gotten used to it
I mean
Dammit Jim Henson
Taking all the good ideas
Maybe I’ll take up shadow puppetry
Do you think celebrities will sing songs with a shadow puppet named Krause?

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