Flarf Poetry by Andrew K. Peterson

GORILLA MONSOON BY GORILLA MONSOON

never saw him before, never seen him since. 

was trying to prove everything. what brought

it all to life         I id just behind the curtain

in gorilla position          95% or so is    

Shine – control / heat – comeback – finish

One rule: little guys vs. little guys, big guys

against big guys: The irresistible force meets

the immovable object. Don’t we need to give

Everything we’ve got?     then we can recreate

swimming histories       i.e. “I want

to live with a girl called Alex”. The song

says. “I need a real American”. At least that’s

how  I remember   how baffling the squared circle  

is reality both in / outside  of its divisions. wrestling

video voice tapes back before I was sentinel  

consciousness enough to disarm / articulate desires

The song says “I need

a real American,”  At least that’s what I remember.

Maybe Gorilla didn’t wrestle

bears with gypsies, speak no English, raw

eat meat, drink your victim’s blood. someday

learn what you learn, hold down

dust with tacks, suppress a past  you didn’t help build

The Rochester War Memorial,

Discovered bathing naked with bears

Tears in a stream. In summary, The Aeneid, chapter three

Virgil The Bodyguard turns on his employer,

Wins freedom & a million dollar belt.

Will you stop?     A clothesline & a Beauty

The kisses          The breadbasket

External occipital protuberance 

into an airplane spin into   The Manchurian Splash

This place has gone bananas

The garden just literally exploded

Flarf Poetry by Seth Copeland

"Cause Célèbre"

"beat 'em down, evans!

            kill the greasy bugga now!"

*wap wap wap*

*SMEK*

                                    "mother! oh look mother

            b

  l                     o o       d

            b

  l                     o o       d

...."

no i d

caucasian

male

approx age 18-25

why

Flarf Poetry by Sam Langer

"Why This Is Important"

This often results in them losing the use of their hands for the rest of their lives.

Dear Apple,
Do you know the fastest way to replace awesome with a terrible knot in your
 stomach?
Here's the thing: you're Apple.
I want to continue to use and love the products you make,
because they're changing the world,
and have already changed my life.
Why?


"Australia Has The Most Carbon-Dense Forests In The World"

While direct extrapolation is not possible
the home of the most critical population of koalas in Australia is being logged.
Isn't this a good reason to subsidise logging native forests?

Flarf Poetry by Jim Withington

HI JIM, THIS IS ALEX SUNDANCE

Hi Jim, this is Alex Sundance
boyfriend. I was just calling
about the chair of it, she said she could
have. I'm just gonna come over and
pick it up. I have my friend's car and
I could swing by and pick it up
anytime this afternoon
if that works for you
guys in your runs very busy

but you know.
So whatever is easiest,
just please give me a call.
My phone number is (XXX) 730-6140

thanks bye.


HI JIM, THIS IS SOME

Hi Jim, this is some
you know i key. For Your stable.
I want to take your Staples.

I miss you up on the and Section 417 again.
I said he'd on. Please call me back.

I'm very region for you. I know.
Great knowledge to tell you about.
If you wanna call okay we can meet each other.

Thank you, bye.

Flarf Poetry by Jim Withington

JIM I AM HAVING A GREAT DAY

Jim I am having a great day.
But I'm
very tired.
And And
trouble staying awake

I worked all day and I am so much want to do.

I don't know if it is, and I'm going to sleep okay bye
hello to live meeting right now,
benefit. We're putting on. But I don't know so I didn't know hello to let you know

I want to give you a quick but seems like a experienced it.
So they 5 falls convincing or maybe I will advancing with the holler.

I was in.
If you could.
Well, If nothing else,
I will see you before noon.
But I, but.

One way or another. Hello.

Place myself in your life the neck, you can.
Hello tomorrow. The Impact worship.
But. One of them.

If I help you put them in boxes orsomething.

I was. I don't wanna party.

I hope it will be there as well. But if I don't wake up. For putting is done, hello. We will be there in spirit, monthly. Because, putting on sleep.


HEY JIM SHERK

Hey Jim Sherk
just going to say hey
let you know what's going on. I mean.

Holly and my 2 buddies from Wisconsin.
Yes, sir, and we're gonna just got the pop alignments
want to leave the back door open for a if that's cool

wear black up the gates
the ridley's good.

He's got water everything should be good.
Many.
If you wanna stop in for any reason, or you need it.

You can call his phone
or on my phone and just
leave a message to the receptions
horrible and then I will keep checking it.

And then
If you are
stopping the Pops
and have a bear
with us up to you

otherwise the bacterial be open to reset. Yes.

If anything is changes and you need us like you come over night.
We will do what we have to do and Later, alright buddy.
So I'll talk to you want to talk to you.

Flarf Algorithms by Hugh Tribbey

CHAIN SONG

Sir, aboard delay rude
ill your day fuels
sigh a fat guess detergent feuds
quills sump timber

Sir, aboard delay rude
illicit jewels
see fatuous dates in jeeps
kill sooners tremble

belly late families
belly jelly beans

Mama, fill reposed tales with persimmons
yodel precise poor juice pie tins


WE KNOW WE BELONG

Se ktdahl ditoan
 thdo Ld onnl
ganda nm sesdg
 wwn wsidr er
td eirh asaoLua
gLt db eth
nLaen hin oo
Lynyme Li


PANTS BOUNCE

pants of nose lash
outside match, lance break
beside dope, bleed between because rev
between engine, wet as dope
protest through nose, breast protest
out of breast as robbery rev

under hair, robbery and spring snivel
into hair, hair sag but
plead against robbery and tear
among engine moan over match, drool
under lance, nose switch as
bruise below mask, Pequod of crystal yelp
against Pequod burn amid crystal, pants bounce

Flarf Poetry by C.P. Harrison

"Good Friday (drive-thru)"

How are you Jesus Christ?
The friday saga... was classic!
you're gonna be sitting in the drive-thru at carl's jr
your drive-thru herpes next to my inner thigh,
with really dirty limericks,
a multicolored tribal tattoo,
your lady sized wee wee,
Tiger off with a bunch of fags
jump in their pickups, and drive sixty miles in the rain to pick up a
stranded biker (Budget Schwarzenegger)
The young gropee should be grateful for the attention
... I didn't savor the idea
but
It gives me a good feeling
.... tonights one of those nights

Flarf Poetry by Justin Carter

"albatross 4"

god something smells really bothersome on this train
cannot pinpoint it
i think it is a meat of some sort

"albatross 5"

alchemically translate the mundanities of suburban life
where is the locus of beauty though?
the beating hearts of cars

"albatross 6"

my uncle trades fish to the milkman for free milk
my mom walks into the room singing a song by train
i am going to wear a wolf shirt out in public today

Flarf Poetry by Magma Tort

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Flarf/Dada Poem by Jon Beardsley

"Chaucer"

Pretty Pauper,

Princely Panther,

Please come in.

Tiny Tinkler,

Trembling Tower,

Please come in.

Teeming Sealife,

Arteriosclerosis,

Keep me from sin.  

Born Burrito,

Little Burro,

I am for you.

Exit Walker,

Chunky Chaucer,

Ta-Da.

Flarf Poetry by Rachel Hyman

Note from the author: "words by Justin Carter, designed by Rachel Hyman."

"the great decline"

dumbing down of america
birds in the grocery store
funding issues

Flarf Poetry by Justin Carter

"albatross 1"

god i can't breathe or think
i can't drink acid for breakfast
that's my biggest concern in life

"albatross 2"

god it feels like my head is underwater
i mean... kind of
sometimes things just disappear

"albatross 3"

welcome the ghosts into the tight spaces of your heart
there needs to be a fundamental shift though
i’m going to kill everyone

Doublewordscore Poem by Zack Ford

"Love, Children, Dinosaurs, and Meteors"

It’s a hard knock life
For Virginia Woolf
The world will explode soon
Annie
The orphan we all love
Won't be mopping floors anymore
She'll be dead
The fucking apocalypse


Note from the curator: The "doublewordscore poem," termed by Zack Ford, is a particular type of poem that implements on-the-spot flarf sensibilities by taking three topics from a friend and then texting a poem based on those topics to that friend right at that moment.

Two New Poems by Zack Ford

“Meeting in the Elevator Pt. 1: Crossbreeding”

Coyote
Sacagawea
Elevator music
Love flows through the notes
Her feel
Shocking the coyote’s feel
If only he was human
Coyote thinks
If only this coyote wasn’t a creep
Sacagawea thinks
Beep
Fourteenth floor

“The Life & Times”

The elephant was on Ritalin
He was failing school
So Ms. Teacher Elephant said
Ritalin
That’s the answer
So momma elephant drugged up her son
So elephant started doing Ritalin
But it didn’t help
F’s
So he dropped out of school
Sold his Ritalin
Spent all his money on peanuts
5 years pass
Found dead in a gutter with shells littering his trunk
Good recommendation teacher elephant

Flarf Poetry by Zack Ford

“The Truth of Stories”

Pt. 1: Liar Liar Your Shell is on Fire

Tortoise

My friend tortoise

You didn’t win the race

You’re slow

And a liar

You try to be the one symbolizing morals

But all you symbolize is a lack of truth

And a sense of exaggeration

That rabbit kicked your ass

We all know the truth

Be ashamed

Pt. 2: Cheater with a Beard

Rumpelstiltskin

You think you’re all witty

But you’re also a liar

Your name isn’t Rumpelstiltskin

You imagined that name to screw with people’s minds

I saw your birth certificate

Your name is David

Dammit David

Pt. 3: Rabbit Holes and Blue Pipe Smoking Caterpillars

Hey Alice

You’re only a child

So get off the acid

It’s unsafe

“Creative Letdown”

Man, I’m so upset I didn’t invent the Muppets

I wake up every morning with such a deep furnace of anger that I didn’t create Cookie Monster

I could have invented Kermit

He’s only a frog made of a sock

I can do a Muppet-like voice

I mean my Muppet voice sounds like a steroid-raging Grover

But the kids could have gotten used to it

I mean

Dammit Jim Henson

Taking all the good ideas

Maybe I’ll take up shadow puppetry

Do you think celebrities will sing songs with a shadow puppet named Krause?